Shattering the Silence
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Daily Journal Staff Writer
Editor’s note: Frank’s real name is not being used in this story to protect his victims and those he alleges abused him. The 39-year-old man is an inmate serving 15 years in prison for convictions from Greene County in 2000 for first-degree statutory sodomy and first-degree child molestation. He claims to have molested more than 30 boys. During an interview he said, “Very seldom does a stranger molest a child, usually it is a parent, family member, close friend or acquaintance.” His story is being shared to increase awareness of the problem.
Almost 40 years old now, Frank has accepted he is a pedophile.
“When I got to Potosi (Correctional Center), I started thinking, I’m going to get out again and I don’t want to hurt anyone again,” he said.
He said he took a class on the impact of crimes on victims, which he said was a “wake-up” call. Another big eye-opener was a class called Breaking Barriers where he decided he wanted to be “OK” and not have fantasies of little boys.
He began seeking out therapists, but not much help was available to him because he was in prison.
“So far, the only treatment I have received for sexual offending has been that which I have sought out on my own,” he said.
He said therapists sent him workbooks, which he has been doing on his own. He feels these workbooks need to be made readily available to other sex offenders.
Currently an inmate at Farmington, Frank is working on letters of apologies “and clarification explaining how I manipulated and tricked my victims. That it was me who did wrong and they are innocent. They did nothing to make me abuse them.”
He said he worries about his victims and how he can make amends.
He also has started sharing his story with other inmates for the first time.
MoSOP Program
Before he could be released on parole, he has to complete the Missouri Sexual Offenders (MoSOP) Program.
The program consists of approximately 12 months of therapy and is offered at the prisons in Bonne Terre, Farmington and Vandalia.
Frank said he wouldn’t be able to start the program until 2009. He wants to complete the program, but has reservations about it.
“I have read an old manual from the program and am afraid it is severely lacking,” he said. “It does not address many key issues we as sex offenders face, such as how to build appropriate (adult relationships), nor does it help one build a strong relapse prevention plan.”
He said if he were to fail the program, he would simply have to serve his entire sentence and then be released into the public without any help. He said certain sex offenders aren’t even required to participate in the program.
“Funding for MoSOP has been cut and cut until it is so full of holes and understaffed that men are being held longer and receiving less treatment,” he said.
Plans after prison
Frank does not know if he will be released from prison into society.
“There is a great chance I will be civilly committed,” he said.
For the state to do that, a court must find him to be a “sexually violent predator” and then have him committed to the Department of Mental Health’s Missouri Sexual Predator Unit.
Even though that is a chance, he has set goals and options for the future. Those future plans include avoiding children and places where children frequent.
He could finish his schooling for painting and drawing. He believes he could support himself by doing landscaping, portraits and bronze sculptures.
Another option is using his art to travel and speak about the need for sex offender treatment reform.
“Speaking to those entering counseling/social work and criminal justice can help educate the public about what is actually available,” he said. “Real statistics and not what the politicians and TV hype up for votes or ratings.
“It may also be possible that I will have completed the book I wish to write and use this as a jumping-off point.”
He said he feels a “tremendous responsibility” to share his system of recovery with others.
“There are many programs to support offenders that have been successful in other states and in Canada,” Frank said. “Sadly, Missouri has little support for the sex offenders re-entering society. We are limited on where we can live, where we can work, and the therapists we can see ... “
He said sex offenders don’t know where to go for help when they are in crisis. He said there are 12-step sex addiction groups where they can receive support. He has been working to start one such group at the prison.
“Most sex offenders start offending in their teens or even pre-teens,” Frank said. “We grow up believing there is no help for us. We hear the public saying we should be castrated, put on an island and it bombed. We feel hopeless and helpless. We come to the point of not being only ashamed for what we did, but ashamed for who we are.
“If my story can help one child, one boy, stop acting out, reach out and get the help he wants and needs or it helps one man or woman stop molesting, then it will have been worth it all.”
He said he has had inappropriate sexual fantasies about boys since he was 5 years old. He said it has only been in the past two years that he has learned to stop and redirect his sexual urges toward appropriate feelings.
Other options
Frank said chemical castration and physical castration are options he has considered.
“Due to the side effects and the expense, I would opt for physical castration,” he said. “This too comes with its own set of positive and negative side effects. I attempted to castrate myself with a razor while in the county jail and I often wonder what life would be like had I succeeded.”
Frank said it would be sad to go ahead with castration now, because he has not entertained a deviant sexual fantasy for two years. It would also limit the adult relationships he could have. However, it is something he has and does consider.
He said chemical castration can be an excellent tool for a person learning to deal with why they are a sex offender and how to stop.
Teresa Ressel is a reporter for the Daily Journal and can be reached at 573-431-2010, ext. 179 or at tressel@dailyjournalonline.com.
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